Funeral service in Walmley Sutton Coldfield – Our aftercare

At Daniel Ross Funerals, we are committed to providing not only an exceptional  funeral service in Walmley Sutton Coldfield but a complete service to our clients and their families.

Through our experiences and knowledge of bereavement support are able to offer this general advice and much more detailed literature and assistance to the families we serve.

Following the funeral service, we are quite often at a loss as what to say to support and help someone who is grieving.

It can be very uncomfortable to be with someone in the midst of such pain and anguish. Quite often, we just want to fix it for them and make the pain go away; however we can’t.

Here are some guidelines that we hope will be helpful.

Acknowledge their loss; make sure they are aware that you do appreciate how much they are hurting and know how important that person was in their life.

Don’t be afraid to mention the person that has died or to talk about them.

Support the emotions they are feeing at that particular time. Want to cry… go ahead.  Want to scream… fine to do so.

Unerstand that there is no timeline for grieving; it doesn’t go away. What occurs over a period of time is adjustment and acceptance.

Please don’t offer platitudes; it really isn’t helpful.

Remember the first twelve month calendar is huge and they will need your ongoing support throughout.

 

 

Daniel Ross Funerals supports St John’s Church in Walmley

Summertime, Strawberries and Supporting local families in Walmley and St John’s Church

Walmley residents can celebrate the British summertime in traditional style this weekend, with cream teas and English strawberries at the Annual Garden Party at St John’s Church.

“It’s summertime, it’s Wimbledon Finals Weekend and there’s nothing more British than ‘Strawberries and Cream’ ” said Daniel Ross from Daniel Ross Funerals who are supplying the delicious treats free of charge.

The Walmley based funeral directors on the Eachelhurst Road, Walmley, Sutton Coldfield will also be donating commemorative items to help raise money for St John’s Church. Cash from the sale of the engraved memorials will go towards a holiday for members of the Bereavement and Support Groups at the church.

Jackie Donald is the Bereavement and Support Groups coordinator – “St John’s Church Bereavement and Support Group is delighted to be associated with Daniel Ross Funerals and would like to thank them sincerely for their generosity.”

The memorials are small items that have messages on them such as “In loving memory of Grandma” and can be placed on gravesides as a lasting tribute or in the garden at home in remembrance of a loved one.

“There’s great importance to us, as a local business, to support our local community and we sincerely hope that monies raised by the commemorative items will help to support our local families in need” Daniel who owns the Independent family firm.

St John’s Church Centre Manager, Mr Gordon Ward is hoping many people will attend and support the community: “With the wonderful weather we’ve been having we’re hoping the Garden Party will be a huge success and we’re delighted to be working with Daniel Ross Funerals.

The garden party takes place on Saturday July 3rd at St John’s Church between 11am and 3pm and all are welcome.

More news on Daniel Ross Funerals within the local community can be found on their website www.danielrossfunerals.co.uk.

Small Children & Toddlers grief

No one knows their child as well as their close family, so our advice is quite general.

Children need information in a way they can understand, and it is best to tell them the truth in simple terms. They need information, and they need to be involved and not hidden from the event. In saying that, it is also important that their carers are able to feely grieve.

Allow the child to express their fears and anxieties and address them in the best way you know how. Reassure them that they were not to blame for the death and it is not through their misbehaviour or a form of punishment. Accept all of their feelings – even if they appear to not be grieving, they may be hiding their true emotions – and watch them carefully.

Give the child plenty of opportunity to remember, and do not be afraid to talk about the person in front of them. Above all, children need to carry on with routine activities, and lots of patience and love.

For further help and support, there are many charities available, depending upon circumstances. Refer to your local library or internet, or contact us for further information.

Useful Telephone numbers – Register Office

Daniel Ross Funeral Directors in Sutton Coldfield provide a compassionate and sensitive funeral service and cover all Birmingham and West Midlands areas including Coleshill, Tamworth, Lichfield and Walsall.

Our charges are highly competitive with “Simple with Complete Care” Funerals from £995.00 which includes all our professional services, transfer charges, care to your loved one, Daimler Hearse and provision of a simple coffin.

Telephone us directly (24 hour service) on 0121 313 0054 for a completely no obligation quote.

Once the death has occured the GP or hospital will give you information regarding the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (if it was an expected death). Once this is available you will have to arrange to visit the Registrar for the area in which the death occured.

We can make this appointment for you – Just telephone us, we are here to help.

  • Sutton Coldfield Register Office – Council House,  King Edwards Square,  Sutton Coldfield, B73 6AN. Tel: 0121 675 2902
  • Birmingham Register Office – Holliday Wharf, Holliday Street,  Birmingham, B1 1TJ. Tel: 0121 675 1000
  • Coleshill Register Office – 19 Parkfield Road, Coleshill (Appointments made through Atherstone Register Office).
  • Lichfield Register Office – Old Library Buildings, Bird Street, Lichfield, Staffs. Tel: 01543 510772
  • North Warwickshire Register Office – Warwick House, Ratcliffe Street, Atherstone, CV9 1JP. Tel: 01827 713241
  • Nuneaton Register Office – Riversley Park, Coton Road, Nuneaton, Warks. Tel: 024 7634 8944
  • Solihull Register Office – Library Square, Homer Road, Solihull. Tel: 0121 704 6099
  • Tamworth Register Office – Church Street, Tamworth, Staffs, B79 7BX. Tel: 01827 475885
  • Walsall Register Office – Civic Centre, Hatherton Road, Walsall, WS1 1TN. Tel: 01922 652260

Appointments are usually required to register a death. We recommend you make contact as soon as possible to avoid delay.

PLEASE NOTE: IT IS NOT NECESSARY TO HAVE REGISTERED THE DEATH PRIOR TO MAKING FIRST CONTACT WITH US.


 

The General Register Office (GRO) has recently moved. Should you need to contact them their details are:-

Certificate Services Section
General Register Office
PO Box 2
SOUTHPORT
PR8 2JD

Tel: 0845 603 7788 (8am to 8pm Monday to Friday. Saturday 9am to 4pm)

Practicalities

The Department for Work and Pensions (formerly the DSS) can be contacted on 0800 055 6688 or via www.direct.gov.uk

The Coroners Office, should you need to contact them, are at  50 Newton Street, Birmingham, B4 6NE or on 0121 303 3228.

You will also need to contact the DVLA if the deceased person drove or owned a vehicle. Their postal address is Swansea, SA99 1AB. Further information can also be gained from www.direct.gov.uk

Support & Advice

Most people feel like they need a bit of support following a bereavement, or help from specialist charities. A selection of contact details are listed here.

Samaritans – 08457 90 90 90

Birmingham Samaritans – 0121 666 6644

Cruse (Birmingham) – 0121 687 8010

Banners Gate Counselling Centre – 0121 354 6544

Sands (Stillbirth & NeoNatal Death) – 0207 436 5881 (local support groups available)

National Association of Widows – 024 7663 4848

St John’s Walmley Support Group – via church office on 0121 313 0413

Please contact us if you require a telephone number that you do not see here.



Cremated Remains Options

We will collect and store the cremated remains for you for up to three months. After this time, you will need to decide on the next resting place for them.

We will be happy to discuss all of your options with you as it is an important decision.  It can range from an interment in a cemetery or churchyard, scattering at sea and decrative urns and caskets so that they may be kept at home to more futuristic options such as diamonds, paperweights and jewellery.

In our Walmley funeral home, Sutton Coldfield, we have a wide variety of caskets on display and an extensive collection of environmentally friendly caskets including ones made of rock salt and papier mache. These eco friendly caskets are suitable for earth and water burial.  We also have a selection of keepsake caskets – which are small caskets which hold a token amount of the cremated remains.  We also have examples of beautiful woven wicker and bamboo caskets, and wooden caskets made from Paulonia wood – a lighter weight alternative to oak.

Helping bereaved adolescents

Children’s grief will often take them on an emotional rollercoaster but everyone’s bereavement journey will be unique. Grief is normal and necessary and should not be bottled up or covered up, and it is not something you can get over like an illness.  Society tends to think that children should either be “completely protected” or that they are resilient and will “bounce back” without any support.  In our experience, bereaved children experience the bewildering pain of grief, but with support of those who love them they heal.

It is important too that you and other members of the family also have permission to grieve and that you can help each other through this awful experience. Children look to the adults around them to see how to behave when something happens, and this is no different when someone has died. It is not going to damage the children if they see you cry in front of them or with them. It is helpful if you can explain your feelings, “I was just having a little cry because I miss her and sometimes it is hard”.  Saying things out loud helps children to understand their world.  Children are very sensitive to their surroundings and they pick up on feelings and atmosphere within the family. They are likely to worry or blame themselves and may think they shouldn’t talk about the person who has died or show their feelings.  It will help their grieving if they see you are grieving too.

Within families, every member is different and so will grieve differently and unconsciously try to balance each other out – so if one is sad, another might support them by trying to cheer them up. It is done with the best of intentions, but it can stop people from being open about their grief through fear of upsetting the others. Not talking about it doesn’t stop the child from being affected.

When you do talk it is important not to have any expectations. Talk in language that is easy for them to understand but try and stay clear of euphemisms. It is important to be honest, but sensitive. They will value the trust you are placing in them by being honest, which will keep the lines of communication open in future.  They might only listen to begin with, or only take in chunks of information and have to go over the same ground at a later date. The important thing is that they feel able to talk.

The dynamics of the family have also changed and it is not unheard of for a child to try and assume the role that the person who has died – for instance feel duty bound to take on the “adult” role – and it is important that the adults in the family allow them to act their age.

The first year is very significant for everyone.  Children develop at different rates at the best of times and so it is hard to pinpoint exactly how much they understand about what has happened. By early teens, however it is closer to the adult understanding.

At this age children are much more aware of the finality of death and the impact it has on them.  They can understand death as both concrete and abstract. They may experience difficulties in interaction with their peers, and the death can make them feel different at a time they want to be like everybody else. It is important to find ways to build their self esteem. Children of this age are starting to think of the longer term impact of the loss.  They start to think of the important events and milestones that the person will not be part of. At this age they are starting to move away from dependence on the family and this can destabilise them.  Emotional releases and mood swings are common and they will appreciate knowing that their feelings are normal.

Friends and peers are particularly important to them, as they begin to develop their own ideas as to who they are. They want to be accepted, their bodies are changing and they are more aware of their future. It is quite common for risk taking behaviour to increase in adolescents.  They might start to ponder the “meaning of life” or they may be so busy doing different activities they don’t stop to reflect. This can be a way of keeping their intense feelings under wraps if they are worried about emotional outbursts.  Teenagers may withdraw significantly but don’t push them, just remain there for them.

Of course, the school also provides a valuable resource. The routine is useful for all ages of child and they like the continuity and things that remain “normal”.We are always happy to help schools with extra support if they need it.

Anniversaries, birthdays and other special days can be particularly hard on the whole family. Some do not feel they can celebrate. It helps to try and plan these days. Prepare for it to be a challenge though. Put aside a special time of day to remember the person, to light a candle or to make something for the memory box or scrapbook. Some families choose to do this in the lead up to a big event rather than on the actual day. Children find this very hard as they naturally look forward to events like Christmas.

Activities that may help

  • Telling the story of what happened or how they are feeling by writing, drawing pictures, making a cartoon strip or writing poetry.  The key here is that they can express themselves, but the finished article can be put away, by them, when they are ready to do so.
  • Creating a memory box
  • Planting some seeds – maybe writing a special message  and placing it in the soil under the seeds as a permanent reminder.
  • Winston’s Wish website has a graffiti wall and a sky scape which can help
  • Creating a family tree

It is important to let them know that it is ok to experience the wide range of emotions – including being happy and enjoying life.

Aftercare – Our continued service after the Funeral

When you walk into our funeral home for the first time, we are strangers. After the shared experience of the funeral, we hope that you will look upon us as friends.

We hope that you will always feel comfortable and welcome here, and will continue to ask us for support, advice and for practical assistance after the funeral if you need it. Maybe a chat and a cup of tea is all you need, or maybe one of the following services:-

Acknowledgements – we will happily arrange for a “Thank You” to be placed in the newspaper following the funeral to acknnowledge floral tributes, donations or simply the friendship you have been shown by others. Most people choose to arrange this at the time of the funeral to be placed at a later date, however we are happy to do this for you at anytime.

The Bereavement Register– this service was launched to remove the names of the deceased from databases and mailing lists, ensuring that unsolicited mail is not received in an already distressing time. Every client is given a leaflet regarding this service, but we will arrange this for you on your request.

Bereavement Support Groups – our Funeral Directors are all experienced at offering support to bereaved people and have a working relationship with local support groups. We also have a wide resources database including specialised support groups (for example, for deaths due to suicide, road accident or cancer). We are also able to provide details of local reputable counsellors should they be requested.

Memorialisation – we are able to offer a full monumental masonry service, and offer alternatives following a cremation.

Anniversary Flowers – our floristry department will discuss any further floral requirements you may have – for example flowers to the bereaved relative or tributes for the deceased on birthdays, christmas and anniversaries.

Click on a button below to see more information:

Bereavement support for adultsBereavement support for children

Headstones and memorialsCremated remains

Walmley funeral home supports bereaved children

Daniel Ross Funerals, a family owned Funeral Directors of Eachelhurst Road, Walmley, Sutton Coldfield has launched a Child Bereavement Support Campaign in conjunction with the National Association of Funeral Directors, Perfect Choice Funeral Plans and the bereavement charity Penhaligons’ Friends.

They have contributed to the funding of the publication of a Bereavement Handbook entitled “Remember Me Always” as it is estimated that around 85% of funerals have a child touch point where the loss may be a grandparent, aunt/uncle, friend or more tragically, a parent or sibling. The guide explains how to approach difficult subjects, including breaking bad news to a child, explaining burial and cremation, how best to help a child express their feelings and gives valuable advice to a parent as they toy with the options and decisions involved in a funeral such as should they allow their child to the chapel of rest or to attend the funeral.

“Remember Me Always” is the fourth in a series of user friendly guides – the other three titles being aimed at assisting schools, healthcare professionals and the clergy. The Authors both work for Penhaligon’s Friends and have drawn on their personal experiences as well as research.

Sarah Wolsey, owner of the Eachelhurst Road funeral home, said, “These guides have been written by child bereavement experts and offer support and advice on a range of subjects. In my role as a Funeral Director, I am often asked for my advice on these subjects, and luckily I have spent time volunteering with bereavement counselling and support groups, but I realise that I am in a minority. When I first saw these guides I was impressed with how accessible they are, easy to use with attractive illustrations. As it is a subject close to my heart, I didn’t hesitate to meet the publishing costs and make all four of these guides available free of charge for those people with a genuine need and where the need is anticipated. This guide is particularly valuable before the death has actually occurred as it allows a parent to think about the options before they have to make a decision about them”.

For further information on how to obtain a free copy “Remember Me Always” or one of its sister publications aimed at professionals, please pop in to the funeral home at Grace Mary House, 255 Eachelhurst Road, Walmley, Sutton Coldfield, B76 1DT or contact Daniel Ross Funerals on 0121 313 0054.

Headstones & Memorials

Your selection of memorial should not be hurried and it is our aim to assist you through every aspect of design and inscription.  Memorial brochures are available through our office and our stonemason will be happy to meet with you and discuss your requirements. All our Memorial Masonry is provided by a family firm who places the same importance on client care and service as we do.

If you are planning to use an existing grave for a burial, then the headstone will have to be removed in order for it to take place. We will then contact you with details of further inscriptions and any renovation work to be done prior to it being replaced.

We can also supply smaller tributes suitable for cremation graves, plaques, wedges, tablets and vases.

Bereavement support

Grief is very distressing, sometimes you tell yourself, that you should be able to cope, but you can’t. You tell yourself that you should be over the loss but you’re not. You are faced with difficult challenges everyday, both practically and emotionally even when you have the support of a loving family.  It is normal to feel a wide range of emotions, from the initial hock and disbelief.  As time goes on you may find it is difficult to concentrate and organise yourself, or to control your emotions and all of this is normal.

You may often think of the person who died, sometimes painfully, sometimes with pleasant happy memories.  You may notice physical changes such as loss of appetite and sleep which are common. You may also become accident prone and susceptible to colds so it is advisable to take care of yourself during this time by eating and resting well.  The sense of loss and emptiness can be very difficult but in time you will begin a period of inner healing whereby you start to gain more control of your life and are able to look to the future.

Anger and fear are also part of the mourning process so try not to bottle these feelings up; they go away in time if you talk to someone you can trust.  Similarly regret and guilt can also be difficult to deal with so it is important to try and reach a point where you can be realistic about the past.  Try not to be too hard on yourself, or anyone else.  You may find yourself grieving over previous losses which may have happened many years ago and this is also perfectly normal.  There are many people that you can talk to and you may find comfort coming from those whom you never expected to listen.  Whilst others may not give you the support you expected from them so try not to let this hurt you.  Some people simply do not feel that they know the right things to say or do so they may avoid you. There are many organisations that exist to help you, please ask us or see the Yellow Pages for their telephone numbers.

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